What can YOU do to support the men around you?

Heike Schimanski
May 19
4 min read

Updated: 24 minutes ago

I had overwhelmingly positive and heartfelt responses to my post about my Dad, and why he’s the reason I do what I do.

I got people messaging me, putting their trust in me – and that’s actually why this post came alive: to give you some tools to help those around you – or yourself.

When a man gets stuck in his own head, it’s usually because he tries to stand up to societal expectations (I am the man, I mustn’t show emotions, I must be tough), not knowing how to ask for help (because he was never allowed to), and fear of being vulnerable (because men have been taught that vulnerable means weak).

But the truth is:

☢ Societal expectations are BS

💙 You are allowed to ask for help

💪 Vulnerability is the highest form of strength

So how can you open a conversation and help a man you see struggle (no matter the relationship) – or yourself?

Here’s something that might open the door, to get started:

When the moment feels right – no distractions, no phones, no background chaos – give him space. Real space. The kind that says:

“I’m here. I’m not judging. I’m not fixing. I’m listening.”

And then gently ask:

1. “What’s on your mind?”

And give him space to answer. Listen. Put your own ego aside. Let him talk. At first, it might be something superficial. But when he feels safer and safer with you to open up, he might get deeper.

Do NOT jump in trying to fix things. This is not about that. Do NOT interrupt him to voice your thoughts. This is not about you. Tell yourself whilst you listen: “This is about him.” and keep your ego in check. Stay curious, stay genuine, stay open-hearted.

When he stops talking, ask him:

2. “What would you like to have happen next?”

And listen, and witness how his mind goes through his whirlwind of thoughts, and how it digs up a wish, a desire – something he’d need for himself.

And then ask:

3. “What’s a small step you can do RIGHT NOW, that brings you closer to X?”

Hold him accountable.

Sailing cutter on the open sea on a beautiful day, with clear skies and fluffy clouds.

Here’s an example:

I had a client who’s a joiner. He dreamt his whole life of building his own sailing cutter, but put everything else at highest priority. He never took a minute for his own wishes and dreams.

When I sat with him, and saw him think big and become overwhelmed with what he could do RIGHT NOW, I gently pulled him back into the safe space.

“Let me stop you right there for a moment. You’re already thinking of having halfway finished the boat. But what do you need to start with it?”

And he told me that he’d need the blueprints. Maybe a picture.

So I went online with him. We looked for a picture of a sailing cutter that fitted his vision – you should have seen the way he lit up! It was magnificent!

And then we went on websites to find blueprints.

He left the session with something tangible in hand. He left with a sense of ‘Damn, this is happening!’ He left with an ACTION plan, not just dreaming anymore.

He’s now halfway through building the boat of his dreams.

Taking the action RIGHT NOW is not about something big.

It’s about the smallest step, that gets you going – gets the energy flowing.

It’s about TAKING ACTION to get out of the rut.

Screenshot of the testimonial:
"The truth is, you see things in people that they can’t see in themselves. And then - you make them see it. You pull their dreams out of the dust, shake them off, shove them back into their hands, and say, ‘Here. This is yours. Now do something with it.’ And they do. Because you make them believe they can. I’ve watched you do it with me. I’ve felt you do it, with me. That project? I’d still be just dreaming about it if it weren’t for you. What you do isn’t just advice. It’s transformation. It’s alchemy. You turn dreams into fucking reality, and there’s not a soul on this earth that can convince me otherwise. You. Are. Brilliant." — *A powerful testament of the results that can be achieved by working together.*

Now, if you are doing this for yourself, here’s how you can give yourself space and attention:

Make sure you have peace and quiet. Turn off your phone or put it on silent, without the vibration on. Get yourself a cuppa, and something to write.

Ask yourself the questions:

What’s on my mind?

The key for you is to give yourself permission to let it flow. Let the thoughts come. Write them down. If it helps, make a list or take an A3 sheet and scribble it full with the things that are on your mind.

Sit with it. Read through them. Check in with yourself if it is a want or something you ‘should’ be doing. Filter out the thing that makes you happy, but you aren’t having yet.

What would I like to have happen next?

Indeed, what would you like to have happen next? Want that dream to be already in your life? Then map it out. What does it look like? Who are you in your dream, who have you become?

What’s a small step I can do RIGHT NOW, that brings me closer to X?

What IS the smallest step you can take right now? Remember the example from above. You do not need to spend hundreds or thousands of pounds on something. You do not need to be already halfway through.

You just need the smallest step to get started – and act on it.

You don’t have to figure it all out today - you just need to start.