Stop Fighting Your Brain: A Smarter Way to Set Goals That Actually Stick

As the new year starts, loads of people take on "challenges", make determined promises to themselves (that are already out of the window by this time), and set resolutions they already know will fizzle away.

First, I want to tell you this has nothing to do with failure, not being good enough, or not being determined enough.

It has everything to do with your brain - and how perfectly it actually works. And as soon as you learn how to work with your brain, rather than against it, things start to fall into place - with persistence and healthy determination.

Our brain is still largely wired for survival and keeping us safe. It's the most basic and primal function that helped us survive for the past 300000 years, and brought us to today.

When we present our brain with sudden changes though that take us way out of our comfort zone, it switches all the alarm bells on. What happens next is that the amygdala (mind you, just about the size of an almond - the wee bugger), together with other survival systems, fires off alerts of "Not safe! Alarm! Must keep human safe!".

That reaction is one of the main reasons why we start losing drive, begin to self-sabotage (because there are mince pies left over, and we just cannot throw them away, can we?), and slide back into the old self - or worse, into less than we were before.

Big goals can trigger that very response of “not being safe”, especially when they feel vague, overwhelming, or disconnected from everyday reality.

And on top of that, past experiences of stress or trauma (and yes, we all carry some) can keep us from moving forward too.

From an NLP perspective (Neuro-Linguistic-Programming), words like "challenge" and "New Year resolution" add even more pressure. A challenge is almost always perceived as something hard, threatening, or unpleasant - which again tells the brain to brace for impact rather than support growth.

Neuroscience shows that lasting change happens through repetition, predictability, and a sense of safety - not through pressure or willpower alone.

Here is what actually helps

Set a goal that is specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound.

How this should not look:

I want to run a 10k race in June. (Without having ever run, or being active in other ways. And is it actually your goal, or something you picked up from friends, family, or Instagram?)

How it can look:

I want to get out and about more, be more active, and run a half marathon next year June. To get there, I go for a 1.5-mile walk three times a week for four weeks. After that, I go five times a week for another four weeks. Then I start jogging the 1.5 miles and gradually increase the distance to 2.5 miles, using the same weekly pattern [and so on]. By the end of the year, I begin structured preparation for a half marathon in June 2027.

Can you feel how much more achievable that sounds?

Every goal or outcome you set for yourself must be - and there is no way around this - specific to you, your circumstances, and what your heart and body are actually telling you.

There is no place for social media here. And there is no place for other people’s opinions, expectations, or well-meaning suggestions either.

If it is not truly yours, it will be half-arsed (to put it the Scottish way) and turn into nothing but a chore.

That is what I can give you on the way, right now.

If this resonated, take a moment and ask yourself what your next small, doable step actually is.

And if you want someone to think it through with you - without pressure or performance - you can book a short, no-obligation chat with me.

Sometimes clarity starts with a conversation.

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